Anniversary

Good Morning…
Today is my wedding Anniversary. 19 years married and 23 years we have been together. Unfortunately today I’m not happy. I’m sad, hurt, and angry. I don’t feel like celebrating nor do I want to say Happy Anniversary to him. Today does not feel special at all. Does this make me mean? If so, I guess I’m mean. The reason I married him was because he made me happy, he loved me. He cared for me, he wanted to see me smile everyday. Now, he no longer cares if I smile or if I’m happy. The hurtful words are fresh. The I’m sorry is nor longer meaningful. The joy is gone. Can we get back what we had 19 years ago? I don’t know… So today is just a regular Tuesday.

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I Wish I’d Met You Earlier

developing dad

‘If I could change anything I’d go back in time and meet you earlier so I would have more time with you.’

imageOf course for that to work I’d actually have to go further back than you might think. I’d have to go back to the relationships before I met you, to the therapies and jobs and life lessons and various family functions when I festered with free floating rage and self loathing. The feelings that led me to some of the terrible decisions I made that left me looking for you in my early 30’s via the internet, wasting one Saturday night after another with the wrong people engaged in the same search. And of course you’d have to go back and relive all you’d lived to get back to the same place at the same time. In the end even that wouldn’t give us so much as a…

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Son…

When you were diagnosed six years ago, I didn’t  know one person on the spectrum. I remember being terrified.

Your son has autism.  These were the words that lead me on this Autism journey.

I was terrified when you didn’t talk. You didn’t point or make eye contact either. I began the roller coaster of evaluations and paperwork. We received the diagnosis right after your second birthday.

There were so many things I didn’t know back then.
We didn’t know that celebrating your birthday with family and friends would overwhelm you.
 
I remember your first birthday, we invited the family over.  When we sang Happy birthday to you, you covered your ears and cried. How my heart hurt so much seeing you upset.

I remember holidays were so difficult for you. Halloween when you were about three years old. I’d tried putting on  a Thomas the Train costume. You loved Thomas, you  would watch Thomas all day and night.  I thought for sure you would of loved the costume, but instead,  you were so upset when I took it out of the bag – you wouldn’t even look at it. As I began to put your little arms through the costume you cried and cried. You were afraid. I stopped, held you and cried with you.
 
Often times I wonder what goes on in your little brain, what do you think about?

I know that I love you unconditional.

You are my sweet Angel.

To be continued…..

Awake

     It’s 2am and the alarm clock in your little head goes off. Your awake! I hear you in your bedroom beginning to recite a Dora show.

You come down from your bed and run to my bedroom. You lie down next to me. I hug you and gently kiss your cheek. I rub your back softly, hoping you will fall back to sleep, but you do not. We leave our warm bed and off to the living room we go. I stop in your bedroom and get your favorite pillow and blanket. I fix up the sofa for you with hopes that maybe you would lay down there and fall back to sleep. But, instead you begin to spin around in circles, and start to laugh uncontrollably. I cannot resist your laughter. We laugh together. You hold out your hands to me. You want me to spin with you. I begin to spin with you, and we fall down on the sofa laughing. For sure, your not going to sleep for a while. 

A few hours have gone by, we giggled and we watched your favorite TV shows. We played a few games. I made you a toasted bagel with cream cheese, your favorite. It’s almost 5am now, I have one eye open and one eye closed. I tell you to lie down with me on the sofa. You say “No”. Finally you come over and  sit and watch TV. You lay in my arms and my heart melts. Your hugs fill me with joy.

It’s 6am now, and you’re beginning to come down from your excitement. Your little body is now crashing. You’re laying on me and I notice you falling asleep.  You reach for your blanket and pull them up to your neck. Within seconds your sleeping. I kiss your cheek and lie down on the sofa next to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Son:

I love you with all my heart. I hope that when you’re older you would be able to read these blogs. These are our special moments. Even though I’m so sleepy, I wouldn’t change our time together. 

Love Mom

  

Graduation Day!

Graduation day!

I knew this day would come one day, But I feel it came too soon.

You’re almost an adult now, where did my baby boy go?

angelobabypic

I remember when the doctors told me I was pregnant with you. Daddy and I were so excited. I recall how elated I was to become a mommy. I laid awake all night thinking about you.  What color your eyes were going to be?  Whether you would be born with black hair or light hair?  9/26 you were born. My whole life changed.

As a toddler you were the typical little toddler, always getting into mischief. You had such a fascination with dinosaurs.  In kindergarten you shined bright light a diamond. The teachers were always impressed with your ability to learn things so quickly.

As you entered into middle school you stood out of trouble. Though at times you would follow others. You stood grounded. Despite living in Brooklyn, where there were so many gangs, you didn’t succumb. We lived in a neighborhood where it was just expected for you to go down the wrong path, but you didn’t.

As you entered into high school. You were already advanced in your classes. You were an A+ student in high school.  Not allowing  any peer pressure from others. You continued to remain focused on your future.

This is your last year of high school and you are about to embark on another journey. As you begin your College years, I have confidence that you will fulfill your career. Remember to believe in yourself, as I believe in you.

I’m so proud of you son.acgrad
Love Always, Mom

Assignment #4

Assignment #4 Write to your dream reader.

My dream reader isn’t just one person there are a couple. One person in particular is my father. 

Dear Dad,

I love you. I wished I could have been your princess. I wish I was “Daddy’s little girl”. I wished I could have held your hand and gone on walks. I wish I could have sat on your lap, while you read me a story.

Growing up, I did not attend the father/daughter dances at school. I was afraid, people would laugh at me. Though my friends asked me to tag along, I just couldn’t.  My friends had such great relationships with their dads. And, I wanted that, I wanted you.

When I was a little girl, I always dreamt of my special day. I knew I wanted you to walk me down the aisle. I wanted you to give me away to my husband.  I wish you could have seen me on my wedding day. I looked beautiful. You would if been proud of me. But you were not there for me. Yet another important part of my life I could not share with you.

I don’t know who you are. Or where you are. I have never met you. I wish I would have met you. I have often dreamt of you, of who you would have been if you were there for me. So many important milestones you missed. I often wonder if you have thought of me too and wondered what my life looks like. Do you wish you were a part of my life now? Do you wonder if you have grandchildren?

I wish I had a dad.

The bond that a daddy and daughter has is unbreakable.. I know this.. I know this because my daughter has it. She has a daddy.

She has a dad to take her to the father and daughter dances. She has a daddy that holds her hand. She has a daddy to go on walks with.  And he will be there to walk her down the aisle.

I’m happy for her. I’m happy she doesn’t feel lost, like I do. I’m glad she doesn’t feel unwanted, like I do.

image

I don’t know why you left me. But, I want you to know I love you, my dad, whoever you are.

Your daughter,

Second Assignment: edit your title and tagline.

I’m trying to come up with a tagline, something not so cheesy but, something catchy! A mom with four kids, you would think I can come up with some sort of catch phrase, but I’m stuck and I have no clue. So read along and let’s see what we can come up with.

What can I say.. Well, I was born and raised in East New York, Brooklyn. When I tell people that they ask “oh wow, you must be familiar with gangsters”. I laugh every time.  Umm, last i knew gangsters lived in a lot of cities.  I even get asked “Brooklyn is a bad neighborhood, right?”  Not for me it wasn’t. I love Brooklyn!  I’m missing my Brooklyn days.

Taglines: Brooklyn lover?  My heart belongs in Brooklyn?<~~~ (Too long)  Brooklyn Gangster— Hmmm!

I now reside in Sunny, Florida. The Sunshine State, known for Oranges and Palm Trees. I love Florida because of the warm temperatures. I’m not a fan of seasons, especially the cold.  Swimming here in December, doesn’t that sounds great?  I sent out Christmas Cards and inside was a picture of my kids swimming in the pool, seems very weird for me, as I’m already accustomed to Snowy Winters. But, I’m loving it!

Taglines: Warm Temps,  Dislike Seasons.

If we try to put them together we can come up with…  Gangster with warm temps.

I like that tagline. Check out for my next blog you might just see a new tagline.

Assignment #3 Who are my Neighbors?

Blogging 101: Say Hello to the Neighbors

 

Unfortunately, today’s assignment will be tricky for me, I haven’t been able to get around and read blogs as much as I wished to.  Therefore my list might be short, how about you helping me out?  You can read this blog and add a comment with  a blogger you recommend.

I  follow http://loorducation.wordpress.com/  , we met via Facebook and she has been very supportive. I enjoy reading her blogs and we have quite a few things in common. Her blogs are always positive and uplifting.

Orthodox Sunflower is another blogger/friend of mine, and I enjoy learning about her lifestyle. She is from the UK . In one of her blogs she explained how it is to live as an Orthodox Jewish women, which had me so intrigued.  You can follow her ~~> http://orthodoxsunflower.wordpress.com/

Lastly, I was introduced to http://jsackblog.wordpress.com/ , I read a blog of hers and with that one blog. I had to follow! She adds such creativity to her blogs.

 

Please don’t forget to send me recommendations to follow others.

 

 

1st Assignment– #Blogging101

I decided to embark on this new adventure, Blogging.  This is my very first assignment.

Some ask why? I really don’t have an answer, except, “Why not?”  Why not take on a new challenge. I’m eager to learn and looking forward to this journey.

My pen name is talesofaspanglishmom, I guess by my name you notice I speak Spanish. Yes, your right!  I also am a SAHM (Stay at home Mom) to four children and I’m married to my husband for 18 years. We recently moved from Brooklyn, New York to Florida. My eldest son will be graduating High School this year, and my daughter is a freshman in High School as well. (Read below for more info.)  My youngest children, one in the 4th grade and one in 3rd grade. My third grader is Autistic.

My daughter, nicknamed  noodle, has always been an exceptional student.  Due to her high grades she was given an opportunity to skip the eighth grade and is now a freshman in High School. My eldest, nicknamed Pocahontas will be mastering in Psychology in the fall. My 4th grader, nicknamed kiddo wants to become an Astronaut. My little guy has taught me how to love unconditionally. I will discuss more about Autism as I continue to blog.

My husband ( my Italian Stallion) is my soul mate. We have been together since our teenage years. After five years of dating, I proposed to him (a blog for another time) and we married in 1996.

Now that my children are growing up, why not write about our memories. I also want to share my autism journey with other parents. This Autism Journey can be a lonely road at times, hopefully by blogging it doesn’t have to be so lonely.

After sharing this information about me, I hope some of you can find me relatable. I look forward to my next assignment.